Some days feel completely off for no reason. You wake up, the sun is shining (which it is in fact not, but for sake of argument), and you have a brand new day in front of you. And still, you rather crawl under the blanket and fall asleep, waking up to yet a new day where everything feels great again. Today is a day like that. Perhaps dreams have something to do with it. I had two very strange dreams. The first one I was in a synagogue, and there were a lot of people everywhere scattered on the floor, like a massacre had taken place. I looked up, carefully, and the only face I see, that I recognise is Simon. From there on I can’t remember anything anymore. The second dream I get a call from my stepsister, who I haven’t had any contact with for over 18 months. Long and complicated story, but I still love her. She calls me and I’m really happy to hear her voice. She tells me about the last year, and although what she tells me are good news, I notice a sadness in her voice, loss and perhaps something close to confusion. That’s when I wake up. I tell my dreams, and it sets off a quarrel, over my dad. I try to put it behind, but in fact an eerie feeling is still lingering.

I read the news, whilst Reinout brings me yesterdays dinner leftovers in bed. They taste even better than the day before. I’m suppose to share it with him, but before I know it the plate is almost empty. So I go for a shower. The water is cleansing me, not only on the outside, but on the inside too. I lay down and let the drops hit my face. I feel relief.

After shower I make myself a citrosan (cold and cough is still there). Then I go upstairs to one of the guestrooms. There I have a little desk of mahogany that used to be my grandmother’s. I’ve decided to set up my home office there. In fact it already brings back positive memories. Because my mother gave me this desk when I was so fed up with my IKEA room. It sparked off a passion for antiques which I still nurture to this day. Antiques are in fact memories of the past, good and bad. But with that also comes security and stability. Security and Stability, I savour those common, rather dull words, digest them and re-digest. It feels safe.

My new office