Monthly Archives: June 2015

…luckily some days are better than others. Ah well, tomorrow is another day :).


my patience has been seriously tested this today

For a moment yesterday, I thought of turning this blog into a rant about the Dutch medical profession. Two months into the world of kidney stones and I still did not have an operation date. I was livid if not exhausted. I called pretty much anyone in my network marginally connected with the medical profession. I harassed the Haarlem hospital through various means and people until they got the message – my case was a priority. It now appears I am set for week after next but not until further tests have been carried out. Until then I am in a reclining position, and if not I am walking around the house like a Geisha….silently, breathlessly and with my two pins squeezed together.

I slept marginally well last night, but after seeing off the little man, exhaustion simply overtook me and I headed straight to bed with a documentary on the laptop. I was asleep 10 minutes later.

I woke up close to midday feeling somewhat more invigorated….enough anyways to attempt the cross trainer and start doing my mails and admin. As for the weekend I have no plans…in fact perhaps I will do just that…nothing


week in pictures…a girl always love to get spoiled with flowers…


…and sea platter at the Grand (yes I turned into a pescetarian)


…loads of home cooking this week


as well as the discovery of a wonderful restaurant called Noor


Sebastian showing off his work from school

Little sleep in the past few days and it shows. I definitely want to have this stone and stent (which is causing most of the problems) out now. Reclining position seems the best to be in to avoid unnecessary pain, but life propped up in bed for most of the day is not a life at all. I do get about for a few hours each day only to crash in bed at the end waiting for yet another sleepless night. Although I have been hounding down various specialists, surgery seems as illusive as it was 7 weeks ago. Thus if you read this and happen to know of a good urologist please do bounce me an email, as a second opinion would be most welcome at this stage.


I am incredibly excited to tell about Classic collection II that I designed for FracasNoir this year where we have the samples in our hands! Here a little sneak peak of pleated skirt and pleated jacket that we will be promoting soon. Both made from finest wool with wonderful black pearl silk lining and black diamond caviar button at the front. This capture simplicity and timeless piece. The design is perfectly tailored and embrace women’s natural curve that sit so elegantly. This totally give a kick ass women entrepreneur look 😉

Susanne wearing pleated skirt and pleated jacket

black diamond buttons
Black diamond buttons for black pleated jacket

Days goes by without a single word being typed on that damned blog of hers. She is not in a movie any longer, not that she was ever a star. No she is in this rather strange dream…one of those Kafka-esque ones…a binary number in an excel sheet for example….forever stuck within the dimensions of a rectangle. There is little rhyme or reason to existence. Did the world go mad? Did people loose not just their marbles but every single ounce of the few ethics they pretended to hold on to? Since when did we become morally bankrupt?

She realise she must have been born in the wrong century, and certainly she ended up at the wrong spot. Literally. Her life became fiction and fiction became life…and in the end it all ended up on burned celluloid…the actors moving too fast, the speech not in synch.

Last night as she tried to watch a documentary one the IS terror group and the computer crapped out, she hesitantly turned to Marcus. No one could take the position of Marcus. He was greater than any man she ever met. And his wisdom once more impelled….ignited something. Or perhaps rather, it chilled her. She felt a little better, wiser. Yes, life wasn’t so difficult after all…

I’ve always wanted to travel and explore different cities through my career, sounds like a dream but I’ve never done it when I was in a relationship of 11 years. Yes it sounds ridiculous but it’s true. I was madly in love with a man who I thought was a perfect guy, I chose University to be close, I move town and cities to be where his jobs are. I sacrifices many of my goals in life but I find relationship was worth saving because love was my goal. Years went by there were no sign of marriage or future kids discussion, 11 years you’d thought it would happen right? We did joke about it but never had serious conversation. We always have a laugh everyday because we live and focus on pure joy of our relationship but no future plan.

Last year by the end of Autumn, I caught him cheated on me twice. I was devastated, felt betrayal and very heartbroken. My whole body was electrify with anger and revenge. So I decided to end the relationship and stay as friends. He was my best friend for 11 years and we’re each other’s first love. On the back of my mind, I know this day would come but wouldn’t believe it.

The pain was the gift. I realized now that without the pain he’s given, I wouldn’t be able to end the relationship. I always look for solution, but this feeling can’t be fix and the trust is not there..
I knew I have to let go.

Now I did it..
With this freedom of singleton in my hand, I’ve never felt so happy and liberated! I’ve always wanted to move to London and I did it regardless of high living expense. I just want to live and follow my dream I want to pursue. I was very lucky through my freelance job that I get to traveled to turkey and Amsterdam within 5 months which is amazing! I pick up great knowledge from my sale and marketing job in London and met many great people along the way. Till this day, I meditate and pray thank you for this experience; the good, the bad and the ugly. Shit happens, but that shit can be a gift whether you can see it or not!

Turkey trip
My recent Turkey trip in Izmir

I finally got some pain meds that actually work! Where normally everyday activities would be painful, I was close to pain free for most of the day and later Victoria came over for some baking. She had discovered a whole batch of saffron, and as she digs my saffron buns (they are usually baked during Christmas in Sweden) she convinced me to attempt some baking together. The buns turned out delicious. Sebastian joined us later for Lego building and a kids movie. We had a small surprise for him in the form of an ICE watch, which hasn’t left his wrist since. It’s time to learn telling time and with this one, made in rubber goes everywhere – shower, beach and pool proof :).

IMG_5346time to learn telling time


Blue is the colour 


I received beautiful flowers from the little man


saffron buns also works in June

My evening became somewhat more eventful than I’d anticipated. The flank pain from the kidney stone set in during dinner and had to make yet another trip to the hospital. As with everything else, you just have to keep going until someone takes you seriously enough and see that this is quite unacceptable. Luckily I got a sympathetic ear in the form of a doctor from Bewerwijk who felt 5 weeks under these conditions and no surgery wasn’t really a life. Well I don’t want to complain, but yes it’s been quite a struggle. They say kidney stone pain is worse than being in labour and I can only agree from this experience. I will be happy to see the back of this experience.

Luckily with some help I got a good nights rest which was needed and with new painkillers I feel better now. Victoria is coming over to bake saffron buns with me. Saffron buns is a traditional Swedish recipe that is typically baked just before St Lucia celebrations. But today feels like a good day for this delicious recipe.

Enjoy your Sunday! Sx

No day is the same, neither are the weeks. But life is strangely settling into a pace. Humans are great at adapting to any situation or circumstance. Yet it’s not been too difficult given the support I have been lent by family, friends and colleagues….far and near. There is rarely an evening we don’t have gregarious dinners dished out of the kitchen, tapas picked up on the way from the office or from the local Thai. Emails, prayers and so much love is heartfelt. It is opening up my eyes and mind once more.

Recently for the first time, when I was going to bed, I caught myself standing by the window looking out over the backyards as the last rays of sun that soon turned into twilight. I must have stood there for a few minutes amazed at the natural spectacle that was taking place. As my mind drifted away along with the disappearing sun I realized it was years since I had experienced nature the way I just had. Life was indeed returning…

Victoria called to meet up for girls day out. The kidney stone is not out yet and there are days the pain is somewhat worse than others (it’s only a matter of weeks before it will be removed luckily). But neither wind nor stone could put a stop and I biked into town to meet up for lunch at Sumo and a bit of shopping to spoil my girl. We found a shamrock bracelet we both loved. Yes we can both do with a bit of luck right now :).

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Lunch with my girl


Happy and hungry at Sumo, Haarlem


…with a bit of luck…

I can’t recall the day I absolutely did no work, had no demands or expectations I had to live up to. A day I just enjoyed without no holding backs. It started in fact the day before with a well needed Shu Uemura skin care set (I’ve moved away from La Mere – a simple cost benefit analysis was all it took).

Saturday started off warm and late. I worked out (still planning to squeeze in another session for today), headed off for Toni & Guy where I had my roots worked on to an ashy blond. When I reached Spaarne 66 for lunch I was famished. I went for a vegetarian quiche followed by a glass of muscadello at restaraunt Zuidam.

Haarlem was bustling with people when we headed out for dinner. Most restaurants were full and thus we ended up in an obscure corner at Cantina023. Let’s just say this, finally a good Mexican has arrived to Haarlem. Drinks, burritos, the whole enchilda – superb!

As for now….I am still in bed, but will make a concerted effort to put my running shoes on and go for a jog in the park. Problem is, I am enjoying this me time far too much…


“good dinner and feasting reconciles everybody.”  


Veggie burrito at Cantina023


…this girl feels so spoilt