Monthly Archives: May 2013

I just got home from picking up Sebastian at the after-school. They had played the whole day outside so he seemed more exhausted than I (which is a first). We came upstairs. I kicked off my shoes and reclined in bed with my laptop to order something ready made – Indian Curry. Suddenly it was very quiet (something it’s normally not in this house), so I gentle pushed one of the French doors to peak around. Now either he was up to something, or…. I found him in his bed, schoolbag, shoes and all. Could my heart melt any more?


sleep baby sleep

sleep baby sleep

My heart is burning with love
All can see this flame
My heart is pulsing with passion
like waves on an ocean

my friends have become strangers
and I’m surrounded by enemies
But I’m free as the wind
no longer hurt by those who reproach me

I’m at home wherever I am
And in the room of lovers
I can see with closed eyes
the beauty that dances

Behind the veils
intoxicated with love
I too dance the rhythm
of this moving world

I have lost my senses
in my world of lovers

~ Rumi


And so I spread my arms and legs over the crumpled blanked. I pushed my face to one side, the farthest corner still inhabited by a pillow and buried my head in it. I let me tears stream like a steady flow following the creases and outlines of this familiar yet foreign landscape. I inhaled – deeply – then swallowed – now without difficulty. My mind was racing through a million options – some I am not too proud of. In the end I decided on what was probably the better decision, and lifted a lipstick stained glass goblet to my mouth. I swallowed the Chardonnay in deep, desperate and greedy gulps. Letting the slightly acidic liquid cleanse my throat. Perhaps also my clogged and suppressed mind. It cleared my head and for a moment, I was privy to the most pristine vision. I traced the crack in the ceiling, the brownish stains that preceded it.

My mind was free and the gates were open. I breathed with ease and peace. Grace was watching over me.

brunettes women black and white eyes models lips monochrome 1920x1080 wallpaper_wallpaperswa.com_38

Another day, another photo shoot! But it is going great. This time Alex and I are the helpers on the set. In any case promised to upload some pictures. Obviously can’t disclose until we launch next month, but here comes a few pics from the set! ….and did I tell you the collection is amazing 😉

alex | fracasnoir

alex in a pose | fracasnoirlounging | fracasnoirlounging | fracasnoirvictoria | fracasnoirvictoria | fracasnoir

I’m pooped for a long day of shooting, so let me be brief but to the point: The clothes look amaaaazing! The team was as always fantastic – thank you Will (Falize) and Hilda (Jonkman). Thank you team Brasss, at Brasserie Haarlem – and a special thanks to Rodrigo Otazu for lending us an amazing jewellery collection. …And of course Alex, my business partner and Martin – we did it!!!

More images will come tomorrow, but for now some self-made portraits 🙂

Good night!


susanne waldau, fracasnoir

susanne waldau, fracasnoir

One of those days that has been non-stop since 7 am. I’ve been doing emails on the cross-trainer, working social media accounts whilst getting a manicure and writing text for a little film shoot we are doing this week, whilst the lady was making my feet pretty. My husband called me up for lunch, and still not having a shower, I walked into the restaurant looking pretty rough (thank God he invented sunglasses!). It was only half an hour ago I got the time for a shower and a bit of Caron’s Delire de Roses – a discarded item of my daughter. Highly under-appreciated. Anyways, back soon! And don’t forget to enjoy the good weather if you are – like me – in Holland :)x

Delire de Roses by Caron

Delire de Roses by Caron

Manicured nails & Jimmy Choo

Manicured nails & Jimmy Choo

WOW…what a day! Just full on, the Ferrari kind…bright red hot…almost crashed and burnt with hot coffee accidentally spilled over my hand. It left a good mark which stares angrily back at me. Tomorrow Alex and Martin is arriving together with the collection – can’t wait…this is like Christmas…ten folds, and add a few birthdays into that for good measure. Had a meeting with R about another interesting project…things are buzzing, which is cool. So is the weather which went from winter to a mild spring in hours. I never thought I would see it coming, but here it is! Well, I am sort of exhausted, and need to catch up on some emails. Wish you all a great evening and ta ta for now!



I have one more day to go and it’s pretty clear I am not going to make the 52 kg target. I’m 53.9 today so with a bit of luck I will be 53 by Wednesday morning. Well not bad after all as it’s almost 5 kg’s in 6 weeks….or thereabout. I’ve been exercising (with few exceptions) almost daily, cutting down on alcohol, drinking more water and tea and avoiding cake and sugar. It worked. So now another 36 hours to go and I can call this diet stint officially OVER, Bye Bye, Cherio!

Then it’s back to the the usual low carb/5 days a week training regime. Hopefully that will maintain the results 🙂


working from home outfit

working from home outfit – low maintenance 🙂

You just stepped out of a bath. The tiles are slippery and you suddenly find yourself steadying yourself against a radiator. It’s almost June and still it is blasting heat. You quickly remove your hand and find yourself once more on steady ground. There you are again, same old face, same silhouette. You like it – and you don’t. It’s strange, as limbs are going south you have quietly resigned to its inevitability. In fact because of age – and maturity, you find it strangely attractive. Don’t fall into the pond Narcissus, you remind yourself. A faint smile. A wink, just to yourself. You dress yourself in an ivory white, silk négligé. It’s what women do your age. It’s what they did in their early teens, trying on what was their mothers, making them feel vastly grown-up, And now you do the very same, for different reasons. A little bit of prettiness, perhaps even making you look younger…before it is too late.

You trace the inside of your arm with your nose. It smells faintly of lavender oil. You need something stronger, pungent…Bandit by Robert Piguet. You let a few expensive drops of perfume run down the cavity of your breasts. Do anyone care for them any longer? You strangely find them beautiful but do anyone else?

Your husband walks in. He barely notice you, but throws something straight on your neatly organised administration pile. Papers are flying. He doesn’t even apologise. Did he ever? And so you realise that age makes you accept…your own mortality, your loss in value, your inevitable fate.

Woman applying perfume

Bandit Queen