Monthly Archives: January 2011

I’m impatiently waiting for the clock to turn 4 as we are leaving for a mini-break today. This is suppose to break the trend of unfulfilled holidays which we unwittingly started last year. For the next three days we are going to be pampered in the beautiful environment of Chateau St. Gerlach outside of Maastricht. It’s also the location where we got married, so we have very fond memories attached to the place. Chateau St. Gerlach is set in the green and hilly Ardennes and sports a swimmingpool and spa, a well renowned restaurant (used to have a Michelin star), a bar, brasserie, church and museum. It’s like taken from a fairy tale. Talking of which, a video from our wedding which Reinout sent me as a little reminder 🙂

I’ve decided to be happy. Seriously happy. The kind of happiness that radiates through every cell, molecule and atom. I want to Feel like I never Felt before; opening my heart like a window letting in the first spring air; sheer curtains fluttering in an otherwise bourgouise still life.

Perhaps it can be attributed to a dawning spring, or a New Year, with new possibilities and promises. And as I’m overcome with a longing for change it paradoxally evokes memories and recollections, both bright and sorrowful in their nature. My thoughts are drifting to childhood instilled legends and myths. I fondly recall Sunday walks at the museum, nights poured over leather bound history books and a few medical and antropology ones, the latter left like fossile reminders of my grandfather’s dedication to the Hippocratic Oath. My private history lessons with my now deceased teacher Lennart Wittbeck, who gave me a sense of belonging to the Dead Poet Society with his dramatic recounts of histories villains and celebrities; initiations to past’s esoteric knowledge, rites and legends. It was a privilage sitting in his smoke filled library taking part of his infinite Sophia.

There is a melancholy in those anechdotal tales, as they form the fragile past, that will once be forgotten when memories fail us and history looses its importance. And so it is with an immense sense of happiness I finally embrace them and with reason discover their most embracing and forgiving nature. I will leave it at that. Forgive me for my ramblings, but let me leave you with this beautiful classical piece from Jean Sibelius (used to be the end music to Hermans Historia, a Swedish history program I used to love watching in my youth).

The other day I went for a refurbishment of my hairdo. I wanted something different to start off the new year. Like when you go through a breakup and end up with a new haircolour or a vastly shorter crop. In the end I was too much of a chicken to go for either, but I wanted something little bit shorter, a tad lighter and with a fringe. On top of this my old extensions were coming out and a few new ones were put it. All well and done. After spending nearly 5 hours at the hairdresser I was ready to face the new me. It was definetely shorter, and lighter too but I liked it. At home though, in our our bright spotlighted bathroom, I noticed the my hair was indeed very light against my pale skintone. My skin looked pasty and it did nothing to enhance my new crop. So I decided to go for a tan.

I haven’t been to a sunbed for at least 5 years. Ever since fine lines started to appear on my face, I decided to give up tanning and wear at least SF 30. But I talked myself into that one tanning session wouldn’t do that much harm and about 10 minutes later I was on my way to getting fried. It was an odd feeling and the light was almost blinding despite wearing eye protection. I held out though, squinting my eyes, which in turn created white fine lines. But it didn’t matter as I was working on a brown forehead which would better match with my blonde strands.

The sunbed went off, and I stood up, slightly dizzy and with a dark haze in the cabin as my eyes were adjusting again. I looked in the dark tinted mirror and noticed a slight red glow to my face. Good it’s working I thought to myself and went home.

The next morning

…and my skin tone has gone from red to bright orange. My husband thinks my hair looks yellow next to my orangy skin. I on the other hand just wish I hadn’t been so damn vain.

Neverthless, many layers of foundation and I start looking almost normal again. And the hair looks great!

foto-op-21-01-2011-om-1547

Spot the tan?

I’m happy to report I have my belowed Mac back. iPad’s in all honor but as they say the Classics never go out of style. Writing a word document feels like  a feast, and having access to my Tweetdeck and a whole range of other applications is fantastic. Not to mention Flash! I can pick up my favourite pastime Jewel puzzle and see some interesting clips on Aftonbladet.se again. Yes, it’s a delightful reacquaintance and I promise, I shall never attempt balancing an open laptop on one hand and a coffee mug in my other – EVER!

So safely installed behind my Mac I am kind of figuring out what to do with myself. I have a few projects and ideas lined up but nothing in affirmative yet. Despite fears of a year spent in unemployment (it would be an absolute first!), I see it as an opportunity to find my own niche. I might need a few more weeks to see the light, but I am sure I will get there. In stark contrast to previous years, I feel both happy and optimistic and that must count for something.

macbook_pro_2010

It’s storming outside, and I’m wrapped up in bed after a walk in town. We bought a few DVD’s for a quiet evening with takaways and a bottle of red. No plans at all this weekend apart from taking things VERY easy. Hope you’re having a great weekend and until soon!

Sx

Have you ever have the feeling of life coming to a stand still? Quite the opposite to endless meetings, overflowing inboxes and strategic plans. Everything that seems to define a certain degree of importance and rank on our facebook status and twitter updates. Well, I can tell you it’s quite a novelty and certainly a first. I can’t remember ever being unemployed or not working on something. My self worth depending on a title and affiliation to my employer.

But as the last year came to a close, so came the notion of my own self importance. Time stood still, and I saw myself (voluntarily or not) withdrawing from any external contract with the outside world. In fact my world shrank to occupying my family and myself. Mundane blogging, which had long taken over my previous indepth self-analysis and public self humiliations, didn’t seem to appeal either. On the verge of closing my facebook account, I withdrew not visiting it for weeks at the time. The self-imposed silence resonated with an almost inaudiable frequency, yet it was loud of clear.

Six weeks later and I’m back behind an iPad. I’m waiting for my laptop, with an all clear hard disc. All prior information having been blotted out in a crash and burn accident. Equally all my phone numbers have vanished from my iPhone as a result of being used as a projectile piece of equipment in an infantile attempt to demonstrate my anger some months back.

The other day my wallet went missing. I’ve searched high and low and it’s nowhere to be found. In addition all passports gone missing too. But as my digital history along with identification documents have been oblitterated, it’s a sense of freedom having lost the fossile remnants of love, feelings, insults, embarassments, happiness and dispair.

New Year, New Beginnings, and Closure to a year I’ve come to regard as a most defining one.

Yesterday my MRI scan came back. There are no new leasions in my brain or spine. And the existing one is healing. It was the most terrific news I could’ve recieved. With that hope took leaps, and previous bleak diagnosis got pushed to the backwaters of Memory.

It’s like having a clean rap, a white canvas to start all over. It’s difficult to shed once past and start all over. But with no career, no decease and a family who loves me, I consider myself very lucky. Didn’t someone say Life starts at 34?

Love,

Susanne

It’s been a while since I frequented my own blog. My sincerest apologies. What was going to be a time to blog about Christmas traditions, family get-togethers, New Year resolutions and what else, evaporated into nothing. I can only say, I needed a break. So I switched off completely. My phone was already dead and in a near freak accident my laptop crached (literally) on a pool of dog urine at the bottom of our stairs one afternoon. I could only take it as a sign that the Gods were sending clear signals for me to disconnect from my earthly pursuits.

Christmas and New Year did come. I received an iPad the day before Christmas. It’s been my constant companion ever since, yet blogging remained in slumber.

New Year was rather uneventful. I quite the celebrations an hour past midnight whilst Reinout and Victoria stayed on until 5 am burning off some 10 kilos (or more) of firework.

A few days into the New Year I became ill (my New Year’s whish was to stay and remain healthy I might add :)). It lasted some 10 days and today is the first day I’m back behind my computer (or in fact still iPad but with a neat little keyboard it doubles as one).

There are a lot of things in store, and I’m still trying to figure things out, but more on that later. For now I want to wish you all a belated Happy, Healthy (the most important thing of all!) and Prosperous New Year. May the Gods be with you 🙂

Love,

Susanne