Monthly Archives: February 2010

Blogging hasn’t come to me in the last days. Partly because I’ve been too busy but in all fairness that is probably just an excuse. A more appropriate explanation is that I’ve gone through days of soul searching. Coming to conclusions, measuring the good against the bad, the balance settled on a scoring board. I’ve come so far in my own quest for growth that I have a fairly good idea where my strengths and weaknesses lay. And they both become apparent in this time.
My strength needs a boost and the weaknesses should be turned into their opponent. It’s that simple. I know I talk on a metaphoric level, which is how comfortable I am to disclose matters at this moment.

But when I woke up this morning, I realised that despite concerns lingering in my mind, I went to sleep without their long grasping hands touching me. I woke up, rested, went to the gym, and continued to think things through. The control, and equally the lack of it, lays in your mind. Now it’s time to get off the train for another day in the office. It’s Friday and almost the end of this dark month. Light is around the corner.

We just came back from from our intake conversation for Sebastian’s new creche. 90 minutes of screaming kids does make you incredibly tired. We both walked out feeling woozy. I’m now in front of my computer with 400 data entries to be done by midnight….or later. Can’t say I’m super excited.

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Headache and a pile of work….God get me out of here @#$%^!!!!

If I was about to sum up this weekend, it would have to be – good in places. Friday evening didn’t turn out quite as expected. Let’s just say a pair of EUR 250;- Chloe shoes (they were on 75% discount in my defence) put a stop for what I had expected to be a quite and relaxed weekend. Saturday morning I left home in a huff, slamming the door behind me. We kissed and made up somewhere between the 9 and 15 hair extension. Reinout came over to my hairdresser and presented me with a peace offer in form of a beautiful Swarovski cross.Could I say NO?

A dinner on Saturday turned out to be sharing a soup with my son (something I enjoy as much). But the sight of oysters at Stempels alluded me. I grabbed a cab to Club Fiera’s Salsa Party de Lux, and danced away until 2 in the morning. My private salsa lessons has definetely paid off.

Sunday I’ve been working on our content all day. Until midnight when Reinout felt it was time for a serious business/life conversation. It left me thinking…until 5 in the morning when I finally fell asleep.

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My fav from-work-home-reading on a Friday evening

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Disputed, uber expensive Chloe shoes. Still I don’t regret them 😉

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Hair extensions before they are put in

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Hair extensions from Balmain

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Final result! I had my extension’s at Pierot in Haarlem

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Ready to go salsa! Dress is from Karen Millen

I’m somewhat blank sitting here on the train on my way to work. Tired isn’t the right word, more like absent minded. I wish I could crawl underneath a blanket and stay there until the onset of spring. I’m bogged down with work and it starts wearing me down. I’ve been thinking about how to tackle it. As I’m a woman of extremes I tend to think in polar solutions. On one had, do I give myself the space to work a little less, sleep a little longer, spend more time with the family or do I set myself sharp targets for the next 4 – 6 weeks and work myself through this period? It’s not hard to choose really. In 9 out of 10 cases I go for the latter. If I feel tired, I often need more structure, sharp priorities and clear objectives. And at the very end a holiday with my family! The carrot on the stick so to speak. So next few weeks I have promised myself to work more, watch less TV, just prioritise my time better. The bullshitting is over. It’s time to roll up the sleeves and get dirty.

It’s Sebastian’s birthday! He’s one year old! Time flies. We celebrated this morning with a couple of presents; one water trumpet and a really cool retro rocket car. Needless to say he loves the latter. reinout came back with a whole load of cakes which we will devour on this afternoon. Later tonight we are going to celebrate going out for dinner!

Pictures from this morning

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Just came home from my salsa lesson. It went soooo well! I really feel I have improved my level, since I started taking private classes with Sederick and I’m really happy about that. I was in a great mood when I came home, and was greeted by my family decorating for Sebastian’t birthday tomorrow. It’s amazing, time flies. Just one year ago he was born and now he’s one year and almost half my height (he’s very tall!). Of course I chipped in with the decoration work (I know my family will be of a different opinion), and we ended up having the dining and living room covered with ballons! Tomorrow we are going to celebrate big time, and go out for dinner!

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Helping out with the ballons

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More ballons…

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All hanging on the walls for effect

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Victoria was busy with decorations

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Our hallway

My husband is in an excellent mood! Needless to say it makes me very happy too! I don’t know if it’s because of a clean house, a clean admin or a clean conscious. Perhaps it’s all three. My husband is, what you could call, a periodic administrator. Just like the periodic alcoholic abstaining from alcohol, he can go about for months without shifting through those letters and envelopes piling up in our kitchen table before they get removed to a a dark and dingy corner of our study. A study no one ever uses as it’s covered with papers, files and folders. Currently the study houses our dogs, which is another reason why no one wants to sit in that God forgotten grotto.

My husband is whistling and singing while he shifts through pile after pile. It’s like a heavy spirit is finally lifting as paper piles are reduced to remnants of dust.

I sit here in the dining room which has become my temporary office, going about my own business. It shall have to remain my office until I can afford to buy some paint and lacquer to redo the study. I’m thinking spring. Clean start, a company up and running and new study. How fab isn’t that?

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Sebastian is in a splendid mood too!

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A rare sight captured on camera

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Wow, I can see the floor!

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Admin mess

Weekend didn’t really turn out as anticipated. It rarely does! Sebastian was not really well so we decided against going to MJ birthday’s party. Instead we spent the evening at home. I was so tired and fell asleep at 9 pm, only to wake up 12 hours later. Yesterday I didn’t do much else than some mundane emailing. and meetings.
…and yes, I had my highlights done at Pierot. The result is great, and on Saturday I will get my new extensions. All as a Valentines present from my husband. So sweet!

Now a busy day awaits. Reinout is not feeling well (woke up in a sweat) so I’m working from home, whilst watching the little one. Tonight I have bachata lesson, followed by further preparation for the site launch.

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After checking out one of Victoria’s new schools she will be applying for

we went for a quick lunch on Saturday

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I had chicken kebab

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After highlights at Pierot I met up with my husband for a drink

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Love the result!

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Later we had sushi at home

And thus sleep didn’t come until the wee hours of the morning. Tossing and turning, lasting no longer than a few minutes in each position. I probed my husband gently until he opened up his arm and I could sneak in it. I fell asleep. It was beginning to get light when I woke up, 7.15 am. Noise from upstairs. The sound of footsteps and fast moving paws. I waited for a few minutes to see if I could fall asleep again. No luck. My mouth was dry from yesterday’s Champagne. Only two glasses.
For a few minutes I carried on a conversation with myself whether to getup or not. The prospect of getting out in the cold for my daily gym session didn’t seem like a marvellous idea. But breaking my routine didn’t seem either and thus reason took over feeling.


It’s cold. The canals are frozen and a white coat of frost covers every exposed surface. I’m on the train again, approaching Amsterdam Sloterdijk. Almost at work. Headache is receding after 2 paracetamols. I long for coffee. I long to clean out my inbox, which for my standards, has become cluttered. I long for the weekend. MJ has his birthday party on Saturday. And I have a well needed appointment with my hairdresser.

Thank God It’s Friday!

I’m in bed, with a glass of Champagne (a habit I have adopted as of late to end my day with), browsing through my husband’s picture on flickr. It brings back so many good memories, especially the ones of us on holiday, fooling around like little kids on a beach. We are like children, all of us. Our house is like a 300m2 playground for kids. There is a chaotic cleanliness or a clean mess, depending on how you want to see it. Every room is in order, yet disarray. There is noise, around every corner, until the last man (usually me) turns off the light at 1 am. Dogs are barking, cats our meowing, kids are either laughing or crying, I am shouting and my husband is, well I can’t think of anything else than farting 🙂

That is our household, around the clock, 365 days of the year. Friends are coming over, usually MJ, and he is only marginally better than my husband (a stinky incident in Maastricht comes to mind!). The kitchen is fuming (I’m a notoriously bad cook with a very limited repertoire), the whisky is flowing and cigars are being consumed at an ever increasing pace.

And it’s this chaos, this constant flux, which I am forever trying to get a grip on but utterly failing in doing so, which is the very core of our family. A family that despite the occasional threat of divorce, walking out on my husband, and one time taking into some dodgy hotel in the outskirts of Amsterdam, is as tight knit and close as ever. As I am flickering through those pictures, I am reminded of all that love, and how fortunate I really am. So with the risk of sounding like I love sick fool, I love you with all my heart. You and the kids are the best thing that ever happened to me. So come home tonight, lets share a drink, lets talk, cuddle up. I want to sleep in your arms tonight. And wake up to a splendid Friday! God I feel good! Love you loads! xxx

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Victoria, Buddy and I…I was about 6 month pregnant

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The little man

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During holiday last year

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Playing in the sand

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On the beach of Juan les Pins

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So in love!!!

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Fooling around

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Victoria and I

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In Strasbourg enjoying the weekend

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My two beauties

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On our way back ending up at this beautiful medieval chateau,

love to go back soon!

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A picture of our living room at Christmas

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Reinout’s first business card for MMO Life, feels like a lifetime ago

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Pregnant with Sebastian….Reinout was convinced it was going to be

a boy even though I refused to find out the gender

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Our dogs chillin’ in the afternoon sun in the master bathroom