Monthly Archives: January 2010

Some days can turn out unexpectantly good, completely unforseen, out of the blue! And so with 5 cups of coffee I survived the day, better than I’d thought. In fact the day went by in a breeze and at 5.30 pm I was on my way home to prepare a dinner for our management team at Ex Machina. J dropped by just after 7.30. I was still preparing meatballs but my husband attended to our guest’s needs whilst I was cooking and watching nazi documentaries on youtube (I’m delving into WWII history, specifically nazi anthropology and the holocaust, which I shall explain in another blog post).

At 8 pm the party was complete and we sat down for dinner. T, our new colleague and sales manager, had made a mean tiramisu which even a die hard Atkins follower couldn’t resist. The dinner was very pleasant, and as usual we (the host and her husband) openly facilitated information about our marital life including feet fetishism, worms and red light stories. I’m not sure what impression my new colleagued walked away with…..the dinner ended with a snow ball fight and a lock out – with me on the outside banging on the door.
I tried to get T to reveal some interesting information about his own clandestine life to mitigate any obscene disclosures on my own behalf, but luck was not on my side. His lips remained sealed….


My husband made me promise not to work today. I have largely kept to that promise. We had lunch at Madame Marlie. I can wholeheartedly recommend the goat cheese salad. Then I picked up my dry-cleaning (walked past Gaivota that has a sale on Mulberry bags – gotta get my hands on one!!), and then to Pierot for a haircut (for my husband). Afternoon was spent on the couch watching more WW II documentaries, and later a Thai take-away and a whole bunch of crime series on Net 5. A pretty average, non-exciting day, but nevertheless very good for a frantic soul.

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Latest Vanity Fair with the inside story on Tiger Woods is out!!

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Treating myself to cake and coffee

Morning did break the spell. I can’t say I feel particularly “fresh” but it’s Friday, end of a long week, and hopefully some catching up on sleep. I feel bad for Reinout, although he sleeps, he wakes up from my frustrations, turning on and off the light and occasionally crying. It’s like living with a mad woman. I’m not too far from it. All attempts of structure my work – life appears futile, to the point of being utter pointless. In the darkest of hour, I amuse myself with the notion of carrying out a social experiment to see how many days one can go without sleep.
Reinout gives me a lecture this morning on how I can fit it all in within 5 days, 40 hours. I actually feel it’s an insult. A clear misunderstand of what I actually do and have to do during the day. Apart from work this including various domestic chores and looking after Sebastian too.

My situation does ring true to a couple of articles I’ve read as of late. That of women being the masters of feeling guilt. Whereas men seem exempt to this supposedly human feeling, we women feel guilty for anything possible. From missing a birthday, to having to dash off 5 minutes earlier to collect the kids. Another article echoes a similar idea. The good girl syndrome. What starts with the pursuit of top grades and being beautiful (often resulting in bulimia and anorexia) ends at 35 in a burnout. That woman could be me. In fact it is me. And I’m heading there with alarming pace. WAKE UP CALL!!!!

I don’t know what’s worse, sleeping taking pills or not sleeping at all with a heart racing through my body. I’ve been there before 3 days with no sleep. I wanted to kill myself. It’s one big nightmare, one huge panic attack!  The only thing I can think about is work. My family, sadly, has the lowest of the lowest priority. It makes my completely stricken with guilt. It’s not suppose to be like this. Fuck I feel bad right now. I’m even contemplating of not posting this, but then again, but against my better judgement I do. Perhaps it will give me a small sense of relief, knowing that other people might know. Knowing that if the errors in my emails and my lack of judgment prevails, so does my resolve. ….nothing more to say really, this is a pretty dark post at a dark hour. I need light. I wish it was morning.

Finally the day is over…almost. I read that the second Monday of January is the most depressive day of the year. Can’t say I really agree as my day has been pretty good. I’m now on the train home. Dinner for tonight will be a Whopper without cheese and Chicken nuggets with fries for Victoria, as I’m off for my bachata lessons tonight.

Have a whole list of proof reading and editing to do tonight (about 20 discographies). I actually like my nightly work. It follows a certain routine: I have a shower and put on my PJ’s. Then I light scented candles, fluff the pillows, put on my favourite radio channel Late Mix by Vmix and get into bed with my laptop. That’s what I call office de lux!

I’m about to run out of batteries on my laptop so this will have to be a short blogpost. So….
•    slept well (popped two pills)
•    early gym session (woke me up)
•    a 5 minute conversation with myself about what to wear (I settled for a vintage Karen Millen dress, black stockings and black shoes from Hugo Boss – I look like I’m ready for a funeral)
•    Watched some fashion reportages whilst applying make-up (gives inspiration!)
•    Ran to the train (30 seconds from missing it)
•    Sat down in a frantic mode and put on my iPod (got a knock on my shoulder from some woman asking me to turn down the volume, I say “Sure” but mutters “Jesus” to myself. People can be so dry…)
•    Have  a lunch meeting today (will have to postpone to Friday as schedule is too busy)
•    Got a GREAT deal last Friday! (Happy! Happy! Happy! …blog post from last Friday (it was a joke!) worked)
•    Feeling good, lots of energy and currently listening to El Preso’s Fruko y Sus Tesos
•    Seriously running out of battery now. Got to close off. Have a great day all!

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Work outfit: Dress Karen Millen, Shoes Hugo Boss, Bag Burberry

At 7.30 Stephen arrived. I’d had a long soak in my bath and was red as a lobster in my face, but Stephen did a great job toning it down. 2 hours later (yep it takes ages to fix me up!) I had transformed from just an ordinary mum to Hollywood Starlet. I raided the jewellery box and found a really nice necklace and matching earrings from Swarovski that Reinout gave me once. Taxi was waiting outside which took me to the party at a studio outside Haarlem. When I first arrived I didn’t know anyone, but was soon asked to dance which was cool. The first guy I danced with was surprised to hear I was Swedish as he had just danced with a Norwegian girl. So he introduced us and we quickly got talking, me in Swedish and she in Norwegian. Then my former neighbour, Ruth, showed up and we got talking. She introduced me to this really great dancer (Kees I believe his name was!) which I had seen from parties before.

One thing that never ceases to amaze me is the difference between good dancers and good dancers. There are the ones (and I’m talking about the gentleman here) that are technically very good, but are terrible when it comes to feeling the woman when it comes to her level, mood, style. Then there are the ones, that just levels and immediately gets in tune with you. Those are the best to dance with!They give you confidence and makes you feel great as a dancer.

My dance partner Erik showed up later and we dance quite a few dances too. I also danced with some beginners, as one has to remember that everyone has been a beginner at some point and it’s important to help advance people that are in the start of their “salsa adventure”.

I was home just before 3 am, jumped in the shower and then to bed. I slept so well ☺

In this case a picture does say more than a thousand words… Been shopping in town for a Club Fiera Salsa Party tonight. Now off for a bath until Stephen is coming to do my hair and make-up. God I love my life!

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Family lunch at Stempels

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Victoria was hungry

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Today’s outfit…

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Turtle neck and skirt, Tara Jarmon, Shoes Hugo Boss, Jacket Etro

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Bought new nail varnish, YSL La Laque no 3. Also got my nail done!

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Python purse meets wallet from Dolce & Gabbana

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Backside

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Classic Dolce & Gabbana dress

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Neat little cardigan from Claudia Strater

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Leather gloves also from Claudia Strater

I feel under pressure. Pressure to perform and deliver. What’s new you say….OK, OK I hear you. But it’s not such a terrible thing as I work best under such curcumstances. Provided there’s a lot to do; there’s direction a common goal. But times are tough. Jobs are scarce and budgets are going into size 0 dimensions. So what to do? How does one generate leads from seemingly thin air? I really don’t have the answers, but as I was dressing up today, in the same outfit I would have worn to a meeting, shouldn’t it have been converted to a non-personal conference call, I though to myself: “Is it time for us women to start taking better care of ourselves? Use our female charms, put our assets on display and go to bed with the our lover called Money?” I tell you what, 10 ears ago being single, and free from morals I would have happily obliged. A 100K deal with extras, tt voila and you have Business Prostitution! An asset to any CV. But after all that is what prostitution is all about – business, and vice versa I dare to say.

Today I am the happy hooker! You can ask me anything, a long as I get that deal 😉

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The perfect outfit….sheer blouse and high heels 😉

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Hmmmm…..Will I get that deal today?

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One last shot for good meassures….people in the train were looking

like I was some kind of looney taking pictures of myself.

I’m listening to this beautiful Cuban son… Morenita by La Orquesta Magica de la Habana. And I’m reading about the earthquake on Haiti. Perhaps one is so used to blocking images of poor, destitute, helpless… It’s so far away to once own safety. But lately I have forced myself to look a second time…not just read the headlines, the appeals from secretary of states and government heads. To look beyond all of that…it doesn’t feel good.
I made a donation to Medicine Sans Frontieres who work actively with relief efforts for the Haitian people. A small contribution, insignificant to myself, but every little counts right? So if you feel like adding a true bit of value on a Thursday evening, go to www.msf.org/msfinternational/donations and select your country. It’s surprisingly easy and 5 minutes later you will feel a little bit better…..and hopefully someone else too.

I was in a meeting when the phone went off. It was Victoria, but as I was in the middle of a conversation, I turned off the phone. 2 minutes later a colleague comes up with the land line phone. A man, whose voice I vaguely recognise, claims to work for the tax authorities and tells me I’m behind with a payment of 5000 Euros. It came as a minor chock, as I wasn’t aware of this. I ask him if he can explain the matter in English. to which he calls me (in Dutch) a lame dick! I exclaimed “Excuse me!” Not knowing what was more chocking, the tax bill or the insult!
When he starts talking in English I recognise him. It’s my husband. He explains we have serious matters on our hands. Nevile (the hamster) is dead. It was one of those inevitable things, as he was already way past his due date. But sad nevertheless. He was arguably the animal we’ve had least worries with, never asking for much apart from a clean cage, food and water once a week. And now he was dead.


We buried him in the evening. Victoria had found a box on which she’d written his name on. In ancient Egyptian tradition, we made sure Nevile was secure for his afterlife, and put him on a bed of hay together with a stash of food. Reinout had dug a deep hole in the garden where Victoria put his little box ornate with a dried white rose she could find.

Victoria is understandably very sad. She’s already talking about a new hamster but we’ll have to see. For now our house is in mourning.

PS: I couldn’t find a picture of Nevile. How sad isn’t that?!