I’m ill, in bed with the flu. Reinout made a joke about having caught the swine flu. In fact all the symptoms are there – fever, diarrhea, pain in the body, headache, cold sweats. But it’s a simple flu, I know because it’s finally passing through, leaving in its wake the trembles and aftershocks. As a result I feel exhausted. I can’t recall feeling this tired since giving birth to Sebastian, and even then I blogged.
But with everything bad comes something good. In my case the flu seems to have restored a physical equilibrium that since long has been out of balance. For the first time in months I slept. A deep sleep that brought vivid dreams of my subconsciousness to the surface. I woke up this morning at 10 am, my husband gently kissing me on my cheek. It ended my dream. A most obscure dream in which I discovered Reinout was suffering from from some illness, which had been in remission for years. Then the dream fast forwarded some weeks or months and we were sitting on a hill overlooking a castle. Suddenly Reinout made a rather perculiar remark.
“I find the style of this chateau rather dull and unpleasing. Completely not in the style of contemporary architecture of the time.” I looked at him, astonished at his comment. First of all, I never thought history nor architecture was of any interest to him. Secondly he got the time period wrong, The castle, which was not a chateau, was designed in the 15th century for the main purpose of protection, taking advantage of its strategic location. Hence the thick walls and the small windows. Lastly, I became concerned of his sudden interest in history and medieval warfare and architecture. Was this as a result of the onset of this illness? Would it alter his already warped mind?
Dreams rarely make sense, although I am sure there are underlying reasons for their themes, structure and compositions. When I told Reinout of my dream, he thought I had really lost it. “You know, I think your subconscious is smarter than your conscious. In fact it is trying to outsmart it.”
This was good. A clear acknowledgement of my intelligence that I’d been longing to hear. I reacted, on the fly, without too much thinking “I always knew that I am smarter than I look!” Reinout looked at me seriously. “And with that you just proved my point. I can hear your subconscious being really pissed with you conscious now; How the hell could you just say such a thing? I really did you a huge favour with that dream and now you just blew it all to pieces.”
Reinout continued, “Susanne you’re a lost case! Where the hell did I find you?”